This is a question many search engine visitors have been asking. It’s one I needed to answer myself, since I wasn’t sure when I got married. Are you responsible for your spouse’s debt?
Yes. And no. It depends on when the debt was incurred and what has been done with it since.
Scenario #1: You’re like me and married someone with credit card debt, car loan, & student loans. If your spouse amassed all the debt before you were legally married, you’re not responsible for that debt. You will be responsible for any future debt.
An important note on this situation, however. There are several ways that you can take on your spouse’s pre-marriage debt:
First, you can become a joint account holder on your spouse’s card, like I did. That gives you all the benefits of their credit history even before you joined, but whatever debts are on that card will become yours as well. It won’t make you responsible for their other debts.
Second, you and/or your spouse may choose to refinance the loan (this could be a mortgage or it could be a student loan consolidation). Even if your spouse doesn’t put your name on it, this almost always counts as a fresh debt (I can’t think of a situation where it wouldn’t). So it’s just like any debts they acquire after the marriage—you’re both responsible.
Edit: Paid Twice has suggested that student loan consolidation may be an exception to this as long as you don’t consolidate the loans together. I’ll have to look into it further because the laws regarding student loans are quite complex. I’ll follow up with a post on the subject if student loans are different on this.
Scenario #2: You’ve been married for a few years (or a few months or 20 years) and you suddenly discover that after the marriage your spouse took out two mortgages on properties s/he wanted to invest in. This was done without your knowledge and your name is not on the mortgage. The bad news: you’re still responsible.
Whatever your spouse does financially while you’re married, you’re responsible for it too. It sucks. At least it does if your spouse has bad judgement or cheats on you financially.
Moving On From There–Who Pays It Off?
Should you help a spouse pay off debt even if you’re not legally responsible for it? I believe that’s a matter for the two of you to work out.
Micah believes that he should be the person who primarily pays off his student loans. I’m not really sure how that works, since we combine our income but I suppose he doesn’t want me to feel responsible for them.
Personally, I’m fine with helping him pay them off since I believe that while they may not have been the best choice, they contributed to something very good. When I occasionally sit in on his lectures or hear him talking about some philosophical concept, I know he’s in exactly the right place. I’m a bit jealous.
A friend’s mother ended up with a fairly large credit card debt. Instead of having her husband pay it off for her (she was a SAHM and he could have), she got a part-time job to pay for it. I think she also appreciated the sanity time and she had generous friends who would watch her kids (and whose kids she watched at other times).
If financial infidelity was involved, it may help rebuild trust to have the “guilty” partner pay back the debt and demonstrate financial responsibility.
But it may better fit a couple’s priorities for their family to pay off the debt from their total income. The spouse who went into debt may be a SAHP or otherwise unpaid and thus not easily able to pay back the debt. The couple may want to just put this all behind them and start over.
In relationships there are few hard and fast answers. I’ve been with Micah for 6 years as of today (and married 1, or 363 days…depending which ceremony you count) and it’s taught both of us a lot about flexibility. And that other people’s answers may not work for us, but that’s ok.
Are you married to someone in debt or the owing partner? What are your feelings on the subject?
25 responses so far ↓
1 Adam // Jul 5, 2008 at 11:30 am
I am getting married in July of 2009. I have quite a bit of credit card debt because I put myself through graduate school. I do not want my soon to be wife to have to worry about the debt so I want to keep it separate. It was my choice to go to school and take on the debt so it should be my burden to pay it off. She has wanted to get on the account with me but I told her no for that specific reason.
2 Adam // Jul 5, 2008 at 11:36 am
After the marriage, if the one spouse takes out a mortgage but claims to be single on the application, the other spouse is not liable for the debt. The creditor knowingly gave credit to the other spouse under the assumption that they were not married.
4 Nicole // Jul 5, 2008 at 12:33 pm
I once dated a guy who was $10,000K in credit card debt. It made me never want to combine our finances, which made me wonder whether I would want to combine other things as well. I think the key is to look for signs the person is irresponsible with money before getting married.
5 hank // Jul 5, 2008 at 12:46 pm
My wife had a pretty good chunk of credit card debt when I met her - 6 cards maxed out at about 20k total - I was happy to help.
Honestly, I’d think that if you’re married and DON’T help out if you can you may be straining the relationship a bit; but to each their own I reckon!
Good article.
6 Emily // Jul 5, 2008 at 1:45 pm
When I got married 8 years ago, I had $10K in cc debt because I was foolish with money. I paid more than half of it off by working 2 jobs and then with $4K to go, my husband got a side job painting someone’s house for $4K to pay the rest off. For us, it was MY debt because I had done the spending and created the problem. I didn’t want him to help and I think he resented that I had been so silly with money and didn’t want to help for a long time. Then he saw I was serious about paying it off so he helped me get rid of it. Our finances have changed so much since we got married. We’ve tried joint, separate, both working, one working, etc… and I think we’ve finally settled into a place that everything is ours together no matter who spends it, but that came with growing up and becoming more responsible all around when it comes to spending and saving. It would’ve been easier back then if we’d been on the same page and felt united about finances like we do today.
7 Frugal Vet Tech // Jul 5, 2008 at 2:17 pm
Now that we’re married, we view all the debt as “our” debt. Paying it down is a joint effort. We still refer to it as “Husband’s student loan” or “Wife’s credit card” simply to identify which debt we’re talking about, but getting it paid off is a joint effort. All our money goes in the same account anyway, and, at least for us, trying to figure out how much of whose paycheck is going to what debt is way too much hassle. Any debt repayment money over the minimum amounts goes to the highest-interest amount first. When we got married, DH had more debt than I did, but they may have changed now that I’ve been in school a year. Really, though, it doesn’t matter who has more. It all needs to get paid off.
8 Vanessa // Jul 5, 2008 at 2:58 pm
Honestly, when my husband and I got married he came into the marriage with debt I came into it with none. We were married young, however he is 4 years older than me.
We both pay off his debt and I have debt of my own as well (car loan). We work together at it, instead of seperating it and saying ‘you have to pay this and ill pay this’.
9 Stephanie // Jul 5, 2008 at 3:17 pm
Well, I’m nowhere near getting married, but I feel like I’d want to take care of my student loan debt without a future husband’s help. I guess I kind of want to keep our money separate, but I know that’s not really a good idea…maybe this just shows that I’m not ready for marriage!
10 Julie // Jul 5, 2008 at 3:54 pm
Although I’m nowhere near getting married, I do think about this a lot. I have about $14k in student loans, plus the mortgage on my condo, so I’m sure that I’d be the one with the most debt! I think that right now I’m in a place where I would want to pay it off myself and think of the condo as *mine*. I’m obviously not ready for all of the sharing that comes with marriage!!
11 Aaron // Jul 5, 2008 at 4:47 pm
I am married to a spouse with debt. I myself have debt also. Like frugal vet tech, ours is labeled just so we know what we are currently snowballing toward. DW CC1, DH CC1, DW CC2, DH Car, DW Car, etc.
The source of these debts don’t matter, as long as we are both on the same page and the same track to eliminating them. It would be nice if since the CCs were hidden from me for quite some time that I would not be responsible for them if something happened to our wedded bliss. However that is irrelevant as nothing will happen. Nice post!
12 MillionDollarJourney // Jul 5, 2008 at 4:49 pm
Great article and thanks for the link Mrs. M!
13 paidtwice // Jul 5, 2008 at 5:09 pm
We treat all of our debt as joint debt, even when it’s not. Including our credit card debt when we had it. I’m honestly not sure at this point how much of it was his and how much was mine before we moved it all to one card and paid it off.
To each whatever works for them, though.
i think there is a factual error in the article - I do not think that student loan debt is joint unless you consolidate your loans with your spouse’s loans (which you can do). I consolidated my loans after my spouse and I were married and I don’t think he is liable for them - in fact I asked that directly when i was going through the process and the person who talked to me said only I was liable.
I could be wrong, of course. But it was actually the very reason we didn’t consolidate our loans together into one - if one of us died then we wouldn’t have to pay those loans.
Hopefully for us all that becomes moot sooner rather than later
14 Lori E. // Jul 5, 2008 at 5:19 pm
I have about $12K in student loans, half of which are at a fairly high interest rate. My husband and I have combined our money, and one of our goals is paying off those loans early. Doing so will save us between $5K-6K in interest. My husband would much rather help me pay them back early and use the savings for something else than wait the eternity it would take me to pay them myself and pay the full amount.
15 Mrs Micah's Mom // Jul 5, 2008 at 10:22 pm
I am relieved that if Micah should die–which God forbid!–you would not be liable for his school loans. I think Micah is right to regard himself as primarily responsible for paying off the loans, but I hope he will accept your help now in order to save interest, a point Lori E. brings up. You both need to continue to look at what is best for the Mr-Mrs. Micah unit, not who incurred what debt.
16 Zhu // Jul 6, 2008 at 1:20 am
No debt here, but we keep separate accounts (we started off like that and since we don’t have a mortgage or kids yet, we find it easier).
I guess the key is to talk abut finances, debt or no debts. I can see both point (to help pay out a spouse’s debt… or not) but it’s important not to cheat.
Great article!
17 donna jean // Jul 6, 2008 at 8:45 am
When the partner and I got married, or when we started talking about it, we both had $30K each in debt. Mine was student loans and his was on credit cards. He paid down a lot right before we wed, but it was still a pretty high balance. My student loans are on the slow repayment plan and I’m not in a hurry to deal with them.
For me, it’s now a debt that we both share and it doesn’t really matter if it is his or mine. It impacts our finances just the same and we take whatever steps we can to reduce it. To me, previous debt only matters if a marriage ends and we’re both pretty committed and confident that isn’t anywhere in our future, so it’s just another bill that we have to take care of together.
18 Cath Lawson // Jul 6, 2008 at 12:02 pm
Mrs M - I think the best advice to anyone who’s husband runs up a lot of debt without their knowledge is to seperate from them - then you can’t be held responsible if your name is not on the debt. Unless they wanted to stay married to them of course.
19 Alyssa @ Keeping the Kingdom First // Jul 6, 2008 at 5:01 pm
This is definitely something worth discussing before marriage. When I got married in 2004, my husband had much more debt than I even realized. Good thing I love him so much!
We paid it all off together. We share everything in our life, and believe we make a great team.
20 Slinky // Jul 7, 2008 at 3:18 pm
Not married yet, but engaged. We keep our finances completely separate and will continue to after marriage. They’re my student loans and it’s his credit card debt. That said, I know what he owes on his debt, and the contents of his 401k plan. He knows how much I owe in student loans. I don’t feel responsible for his stupid money mistakes, and he shouldn’t feel responsible for my education. On the other hand, if someone’s short on cash or needs a short term loan, it’s not a problem. I like to say we’re separate, but supportive.
21 plonkee // Jul 8, 2008 at 8:46 am
I actually wonder what the legal standing is in the UK. It may well be different (we don’t have joint tax liability for example). I must look this up and (of course) write about it.
Oh yeah, Micah should feel responsible for the debt because he ran it up and he’s a good person, and you should feel inclined to pay it off too because otherwise it’ll take forever to do, and you’re a good person too.
23 Kelly // Jul 8, 2008 at 11:26 am
My husband and I have frequently tackled this subject over the last 2 years. He came into the marriage with $40k in student loans and $8k in credit cards; I was in the black. He very much wanted to pay off his own debts; he believes he incurred them so he should pay them off.
My feelings on this were quite the opposite; I was marrying him and his past including his debts and we’d be working on them together from then on. I also pointed out that it wouldn’t be fair in the marriage if we lived at different status levels (me with a good amount of disposable income, and him eating PB&J every day).
It took months of talking about it and working it out, but we decided to set financial goals together. We re-financed his credit card debt into my name at 0% interest (knowing that meant it was now my debt) and moved my monthly “savings” money over to credit card & then student loan payments.
Why was I willing to take on his debt? Well, first, because I married himand I think you both need to be on equal footing in the marriage. Second, he’d incurred all of this debt going to school as reasonably as possible. There were no spring break trips to Cancun or thousands of dollars in clothes; this was books and basic living expenses. I’d been lucky enough to have help from my family for those expenses; he just wasn’t as lucky. And finally, because he lived frugally. He wasn’t taking on new debt and lived well below his means.
So how did it all work out? In the last 2 years we’ve paid off $46k in debt (credit cards, student loans, and 2 car payments). In 14 months we will be debt free other than our mortgage! Tackling debt has made our marriage stronger because we have worked together to set goals and achieve them.
24 mrsmicah // Jul 8, 2008 at 8:39 pm
Great point, Kelly. When you marry someone it really is the whole package. Including annoying tics and debt. I don’t mind Micah seeing his money as going more to the debt and us as living off mine if he wants to. But like you, I don’t want us living on different status levels.
25 ldub // Aug 13, 2008 at 10:44 am
just stumbled on this post, but it really was interesting and informative! in my (unmarried) house, the general feeling is that our debts are our own, UNTIL one of us has paid off all of our debt. it looks like i will finish first, at which point i’ll simply move my “snowball” over to his student loans (he’s got a super-wrinkly brain to show for his education and i would pay to hear his awesome vocabulary any day!). once we’re done with those, it’ll just head to further our savings. i guess, since we’re both focused on finishing off our debt, the status quo has worked well as a system, but now we’ll adjust when one of us goes “back in black.”
i think it’s sort of like the commenter above; it would be silly for us to ever live at different lifestyle levels! why not pitch in on “our” debt?
as for if we split up, then i know that i willingly paid toward his debt and it’s just a past expense. i sure hope that never happens, but it’s on me to know that he doesn’t “owe” me anything if i help with his expenses, any more than i’d owe him for the mortgage that’s under his name.
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