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42 responses so far ↓

• 1 Pinyo @ Moolanomy // Jan 28, 2008 at 2:19 pm

  Usually when you are a bridesmaid (or a groomsmen), it’s either really good friend or family. As such, I wouldn’t missed it if I can help it. Now, your friend or family should know your financial situation fairly well and offer to offset the cost of dress/tux if warranted.

• 2 Looby // Jan 28, 2008 at 2:28 pm

  Interesting- I don’t know if it’s a cultural thing but for my friends who have been married in the UK the bride pays for the bridesmaids dresses and shoes. This poses a different problem of extra expenses for the bride. I would have some issues if someone asked me to take part in their wedding and expect me to pay hundreds of dollars for a dress that they picked for me. But as Pinyo says they should be a close friend if they have asked so maybe I would explain the situation.

• 3 Susy // Jan 28, 2008 at 2:47 pm

  I only had 3 and I went to Value City and found 3 dresses I liked and bought them for my maids. They were only $20 each. They each bought their own shoes and those were only $25.

  I agree, $250 is crazy. I have been in a few weddings and had to spend $130 on each dress. I don’t think anyone would be offended if you opted out for financial reasons.

• 4 Laura // Jan 28, 2008 at 2:55 pm

  I picked the color for the bridemaids and as long as it matched the color, I didn’t care. Some found their dresses on sale. I don’t think anybody spent more than $90 on their dress and shawl.

• 5 Christine // Jan 28, 2008 at 3:00 pm

  I was at a wedding this summer where the bride’s attendants (four of them) all wore the same skirt, tops in the same colour, and flip-flops. They looked quite classy (and pretty cute, too) and I’ll bet the ensemble was super-cheap.

  A good solution I think is to eschew bridal shops and places that cater to brides and bridesmaids. Instead, go to a mall or a department store and get some normal dresses that will look nice and have a high degree of wearagainability.

• 6 My Dollar Plan // Jan 28, 2008 at 3:08 pm

  It doesn’t help in the beginning, but you can donate your bridesmaid dress to Brides Against Cancer when you are done for a charitable tax deduction.

• 7 SavingDiva // Jan 28, 2008 at 3:19 pm

  UGH! Bridesmaids dresses are SO expensive! I’ve never spent over $100 on a dress…However, with my sister’s wedding, I’m sure I’m going to have to pay quite a bit for my dress. Of course, it’s a dress that you can only wear once…

• 8 Kacie // Jan 28, 2008 at 3:31 pm

  I really didn’t want to saddle my four bridesmaids with an expensive purchase–especially to have them wear a dress they didn’t like!

  I took two of the gals who lived in the same town as me to the bridal shop. I had them choose the color they liked (and I also liked). We chose a maker and fabric, and each ‘maid chose a dress that looked good on her and was at a price she was OK with. Still, prices ranged from $90-$130. Yikes.

  I doubt any of them would have occasion to wear the dress again, though I hope they would.

  If I was handy, I’d try sewing them myself.

• 9 plonkee // Jan 28, 2008 at 4:40 pm

  I agree with Looby, in Britain it’s most common for the bride/etc to pay for the bridesmaids dresses. I can’t imagine telling someone you want them to wear a particular expensive dress and then expecting them to pay for it. It’s your wedding, your look, you pay for it.

  More practically speaking, I know quite a few people that have bought bridesmaids dresses from more regular shops in the sales, and done really well out of it. Or try ebay. Or other internet sites - I really like the celebrity inspired dresses at Coco Myles, if you’ve only got a couple to dress, they aren’t too bad

• 10 Aryn // Jan 28, 2008 at 5:03 pm

  I’m going through something similar with my sister - obviously I have no choice but to shell out for her wedding. But this is the most I’ve paid for a dress other than my own wedding dress (and that wasn’t by much). My solution: avoid designer dresses. One of my friend’s found her dresses at Macy’s. Another friend had us wear black Jessica McClintock, and I was able to order it 40% off from Pearl’s Place.

• 11 PT from Prime Time Money // Jan 28, 2008 at 5:05 pm

  Girls have it bad: these dresses, the hair, shoes, showers, bachelorette parties. The list just goes on and on.

  I say the bride should pay for nice dresses if she has a “vision” in mind for the wedding. Of course my wife was in everyone’s wedding before ours and so she made them all pay back for hers. So I think this is one of those neverending cycles amongst girl friends.

  In a side note, I found the cheapest tux I could get for my groomsmen: only $60.

• 12 JB // Jan 28, 2008 at 5:17 pm

  I would say brides to be should give their bridemaids specifications with a reasonable color and LOTs of advance time. Then, people could find a dress on sale or something. Only pick/buy a dress that can be worn again. This hasn’t happened to me yet, but I know in the next few years I will be asked to be a bridesmaid. It would be an honor, but only if I could afford the dress! Because then there’s still all of the gift giving that weddings involve. It’s all so exorbitant.

• 13 Mrs. Nathan // Jan 28, 2008 at 5:22 pm

  Right on, Mrs. M! Bridesmaids dresses are such a silly problem, and I felt SO uncomfortable when I thought about asking my friends and family to spend a large amount of money on a dress that they didn’t even pick out themselves! Our solution was to have everyone agree generally on a color (brown, in our case) and I found a line of about 10 different spring dresses in similar colors from Ann Taylor Loft. I told the girls to pick out a dress and I told them that I would buy it for them as their bridesmaid gift. I asked them to be in the wedding so I felt it was MY job to provide for the dress - they were already making a sacrifice of travel and time for me. The dresses cost around $50-40 originally but they went on sale for about $20 by the time we went to buy them. I think everyone was quite pleased and I thought they looked great. Each girl wore a dress that suited her personality and figure-type and that made me happy. I know they’ve each worn the dresses several times afterwards too.

  Mrs. Micah had a single bridesmaid (I’m totally an advocate of small bridal parties - way more manageable) and I think she made the dress herself, right? That was another smart idea.

  I would encourage all brides to find a similarly creative solution - You’ll end up with happier and better-looking bridesmaids if you think about cost and allow them to wear colors/styles that are flattering!

• 14 JvW // Jan 28, 2008 at 5:31 pm

  When we got married, I took 2 of my maids with me to a dress shop and they picked out their favorite. We then ordered them online for about half the price (the website is currently escaping me). They ended up costing $75 each, which is still a lot but nowhere near as bad as $240! Yowza!

• 15 Jim // Jan 28, 2008 at 5:35 pm

  My wife had only one attendant (her sister). Sis was 18 and a senior in high school. (In other words no money.) So we bought her dress for her twice. Why twice? We bought dresses off the rack at a bridal shopp during Prom season. The first dress ($40.00) Sis wore to prom and something got spilled on it. The second replaced at $35.00, we wound up getting at an after prom clearance.

  With Prom season upon us, now is the time to do this. The bridal shops will have a variety of sizes and they will be at off the rack prices.

  BTW - For a while KFC catered where we live. Guess who catered our wedding? It was really classy. But we also only had 35 people at our wedding. If we went out one more ring of relatives we would have had over 100 and the next ring of relatives pushed it over 350. So we had it small and had conversations with everyone there.

• 16 Becky // Jan 28, 2008 at 6:05 pm

  Finally! Someone who sees these things the way I do! I wish brides paid for bridesmaids dresses like they do in Britain. Then maybe the brides would be more reasonable.
  Paying $200 (by the time alterations are done) for a dress I’ll only wear once is SO frustrating to me. I, too, would be all for changing that tradition in the United States.
  I found dresses for my bridesmaids on clearance at Fashion Bug for about $35 each. Unfortunately, none of my bridesmaids returned the favor

• 17 Catherine Lawson // Jan 28, 2008 at 6:13 pm

  I paid for the dresses for my bridesmaids and tried to choose something they could wear again. And i think if you’re asking someone to pay for their own dress, you should let them come in what they want.

  Now, my ex-sister in law asked me to be a bridesmaid, but I got pregnant and would have been 8 months at the time of the wedding. She wanted to alter the dress, but it would have looked totally ridiculous - as it was a drop waist style.

  So, I asked if I could just not buy a complementing maternity dress to wear - I would pay. She said no - and found someone at work who would fit into my dress!

  I felt insulted. She didn’t want a bridesmaid - just a dress wearer.

• 18 Mrs. Nathan // Jan 28, 2008 at 7:07 pm

  While we’re on the subject…are tux rentals really necessary??? Most guys have a black/gray suit on hand already, which is what we did for groomsmen and I’m sure nobody realized/cared that they weren’t perfectly matching. My groom didn’t own a decent suit at the time we got married so we took this opportunity to buy him a nice one - he wore for our ceremony and afterwards he’s worn it to interviews and even to be a groomsman in Mr. and Mrs. Micah’s wedding. It was expensive at the time (something around $200 from Land’s End) but it’s been an important investment for him.

• 19 ms. m&p // Jan 28, 2008 at 9:45 pm

  Thanks for the sympathy!! Btw, that $240 doesn’t include alterations or special undergarments. I’ll probably drop another $75 on this outfit. I’m praying she’ll let me wear shoes I already have.

  For my wedding, I asked the bridesmaids to wear any black dress. I figured if they wanted to buy another one for the occasion, they could, but if not, I knew they all had black dresses that would work. They looked beautiful and the pictures from the wedding are great!

  I agree with you that something should be done about the costs to be a bridesmaid/maid of honor in general. When all the travel, clothes, presents, and parties are added up, it equals to a heck of a lot of money.

  Just for the record, the dress I had to buy for this wedding is really beautiful–and I can wear it again. I’m hoping to wear it A LOT more than just for this wedding.

• 20 Julie // Jan 28, 2008 at 9:51 pm

  Wow… I always forget about this. I’m not really friends with anyone who is getting married soon, so luckily I won’t have to worry about it very soon. For my wedding, I would definitely set aside a budget for bridesmaids dresses - I would never have them buy their own. I’d probably still let them pick the dresses out too.

  Is it a coincidence that this post is around the same time that 27 Dresses is in the theater? It’s a very cute movie!

• 21 deepali // Jan 28, 2008 at 10:34 pm

  I was a bridesmaid in a wedding where I paid $200 for the dress (with alterations). I also bought the couple a wedding gift. But I refused to buy a bridal shower present. I was actually annoyed by the whole thing, and the bride was annoyed at me for being annoyed. Eesh.

  Seriously, never again.

• 22 Canadian // Jan 29, 2008 at 9:09 am

  My actual wedding dress cost around $250! (It was just a simple white dress that I had made by a seamstress.) My solution was to opt out of the whole so-called traditional wedding.

• 23 feministfinance // Jan 29, 2008 at 12:29 pm

  Oh man, bridesmaids. I don’t know anyone who enjoys being a bridesmaid in the traditional sense. The expensive, usually ugly dress you didn’t get to pick yourself, the duties you get assigned by default rather than providing the help you most want to provide, getting asked by people you don’t know that well and suspecting you were only asked so the groom could include all his brothers and still have symmetrical pictures… Not to mention the idea that the bride needs female attendants and the groom needs male ones, which leads to weird results like me standing up for my brother’s wife, who I had met literally the day before the wedding (storybook whirlwind romance) rather than for my brother, who I’ve known and loved for all my life.

  My two closest friends actually thanked me when I told them we had decided not to have any attendants. I worried they’d be hurt or feel left out, but neither of them wanted the stress or the expense. They’re finding their own ways to support us, which is so great.

  For people who really want attendants, I love your third suggestion. It reminds me of the pictures I have seen of the simple, lovely weddings my grandparents had. Everyone wore their best clothes, new outfit or no. That is the kind of wedding Shiner and I want to have.

• 24 KC // Jan 29, 2008 at 8:40 pm

  I am getting married at the end of this year and we decided not to have bridesmaids/groomsmen to save costs.

• 25 Stephanie // Jan 31, 2008 at 4:22 pm

  For my wedding in May, I’ve chosen to have two bridesmaids, and my partner is planning to have a best man and another bridesmaid stand up for her. I asked the bridesmaids to pick out something they liked that they’d wear again in either of our wedding colors, and our best man will wear a nice suit that he already owns. The last wedding I was a bridesmaid in was done like that, and it was beautiful. One of the nicest parts was that each attendant was able to wear a dress that looked nice on her.

• 27 dogatemyfinances // Feb 4, 2008 at 8:38 am

  Alas, there is no logic for bridezillas. And when the wedding is already 50K, they don’t want mismatched maids. Hence my $280 horrible dress.

  I believe the bride should pay for them. Encourages her to think creatively or at least reasonably. I plan to pay for them at my wedding.

• 28 Kris // Feb 4, 2008 at 1:53 pm

  Oh, man. Sing it, Mrs. Micah. I’ve been to about 25 weddings in seven years, and have been a bridesmaid three times. Between the dresses, alterations, special underwear, shoes, hair, makeup, travel, showers, bachelorette parties, and wedding gifts, the cost … I don’t even really want to think about it. It would actually kill me.

  I might offer this advice, though, from a bridesmaid’s point of view:

  A) Avoid buying gowns from bridal salons. Any industry-related specialty store will charge through the nose.

  B) Give your bridesmaids a color scheme, but let them pick their own dresses. Because no matter how many times a bride says, “You can totally wear this over and over again,” it is never, EVER true.

  C) If you’re going with long gowns, let the bridesmaids choose the shoes. They know what they’re comfortable walking in, and nobody sees them anyway.

  D) Don’t, at any point from the day you become engaged to the day you say “I do,” refer to your wedding as “my special day.” (Emphasis on “my.”) Yes, it is special, and yes, there are 400 people coming to see you get married. But it’s NOT all about you. There’s a husband there too, you know? This phrase makes bridesmaids homicidal.

  That’s all I can think of for now, but I would LOVE to see a more extensive post on this if you ever have the time, MM. There’s a lot to be said here.

• 30 Lori E. // Feb 5, 2008 at 5:18 pm

  I don’t understand why people still do the tuxedo/hideous dress wedding. Am I the only one who’s seen “What Not to Wear?” Tuxedos are for waiters, and matching bridesmaid dresses went out of vogue in the 80’s. I have never seen a “bridesmaid” dress that was not ugly. I only had one attendant in my wedding and I told her the wedding colors and she picked her own in a price range she was comfortable with. My own dress was a white dress off the rack from Macy’s for $80. We invested in a nice gray suit for my husband that he can wear for a long time. I wasn’t letting him wear a cheap tacky rental tux. His best man wore a suit he already had. People make this way harder and more expensive than it needs to be, and the results are not as attractive as they think they are.

• 31 mrsmicah // Feb 5, 2008 at 5:49 pm

  My husband and his brother wore suits as well. He’s just not the type for a tux, it looks funny with his hair. I’ve seen a few guys who can pull it off. The key is to be the sort of guy who can pull off the 1940s-1950s tux/suit look. Even some of those were hideous, but I’ve seen some pics and movies that look good.

  Of course, Marlene Deitrich could pull off a tux!

• 32 Joanne // Feb 5, 2008 at 6:04 pm

  I think it’s horrible to say “Hi, I love you and I would be honored if you would be my bridesmaid… by the way, it will cost you $200.” Or even $50. That just doesn’t make sense to me, though I know it’s become “tradition.” I paid for my bridesmaids’ dresses… heh which gave me extra incentive to keep the costs down (my mom and her best friend made them).

• 33 H Lee D // Feb 7, 2008 at 9:12 pm

  Weddings in general are a huge waste of money. We didn’t do all the traditional things, though we still did some and still spent a decent chunk of money. Why do so many people (women?) spend so much money making their wedding exactly like everyone else’s????

• 34 mrsmicah // Feb 7, 2008 at 9:24 pm

  H Lee D, you ask an excellent question. I think some of it is the idea that everyone woman deserves to be a princess for a day. And we’ve created an image of how the whole bride-princess thing should go—attendants, etc.

  I don’t think it used to be bride-princess, but it’s morphed into that.

• 38 freecia // Feb 14, 2008 at 10:18 pm

  I know this is against all frugality, but my close friendships are worth much more than $300. Or even $3000. Non-close friends? Probably wouldn’t be asked to be a bridesmaid or can gently point to someone else closer to the bride.

  I’m not saying that it it wouldn’t be great if the bride/groom helped pay for the dress or if they were more reasonably price/able to use again. Just that relationships take work and being there for your friend in that lineup, if asked, is probably fairly important to maintaining a friendship. Being friends, they would probably be upset if they were making you eat mac and cheese to pay for a dress.

  This is an expense I budget for. People usually ask you to be a bridesmaid at least a few months in advance (my best friend had me booked since high school, way before she had a groom).

• 40 Pam // Mar 20, 2008 at 11:15 am

  I had 3 bridesmaids, and all I requested of them was that they each wear a black dress and black shoes. My engagement ring contains a tanzanite as the center stone, so I got them each a pair of tanzanite earrings to wear. The flowers were red roses tied together with a ribbon. I will admit that I was worried about how the pictures would look without complete uniformity, but it was actually beautiful. You didn’t notice the dresses weren’t the same, and the red roses stood out very well. This probably works best with black, as there are fewer variations in black than other colors.

• 41 Fabulously Broke // Apr 5, 2008 at 10:57 am

  I would say no to being a bridesmaid.. only because I’d say: Look I don’t have time. I travel all the time I’m way too busy but I’ll show up.

  I’m saying that because it’s true, it’s a valid excuse but also because it’s more polite than saying money is an issue since I do earn a LOT so they can’t believe I can’t spend $300 on a dress I’ll wear once (I don’t even do that in real life!) But if they keep pushing me, I’ll also add in that I can’t afford it because of debt, and that’s when the conversation will end.

• 42 elisabeth // Apr 28, 2008 at 4:32 pm

  Brides should pay for the bridesmaid dresses. I have been a bridesmaid twice and, in one wedding, not only had to fly across country for the affair at my own expense, but had to shell out $150 for a terrible dress I wouldn’t have been caught dead in again. Another time, a friend called and announced her intention to get married within a month and then wanted to know when we could go shopping for my dress. I was completely broke at the time, but she seemed to consider the honor of being in her second wedding adequate reason for me to go into debt.

  Yes, brides should consider the financial situations of their attendants, but they don’t always. Declining the offer to be in a wedding based on finances is hurtful for the bride. It would be much easier if the bride would figure the cost of the dresses into her budget. I know I will when I get married!

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